This is Preston, mixing away at some song or another.
I took the day off from my Normal People Job yesterday, grabbed my piano and my ukulele, sang some Taylor Swift in the car, and showed up ready to go.
It frustrates me how long it’s taken this project to get completed, I’ll be honest. But we had a guitar player in yesterday, and hearing this guy tracking my songs… oh, man. It will be worth the wait when it’s all done.
Truly.
It occurred to me the other day that I had completely forgotten to stop and take a moment to recognize my Nashville anniversary. Things were going on here and in my home town, and I guess something as silly as the day of arrival three years ago didn’t seem so important that day.
But it is important.
It’s important that I moved here, that I struggled, that I got my heart broken into tiny little pieces and slowly picked them back up again. It’s important that I made friends and got this job and sang in coffee shops and played around with Preston in the studio. It’s important that I’ve seen Chris Thile and Dierks Bentley and Sarah Jarosz in concert, as well as some of my good friends. It’s important that sometimes I don’t care that there is “Nashville Stuff” to do and I just go see a movie instead. It’s important that I’ve learned to love food and all things kitchen related. It’s very important that I managed to fall in love again despite myself. It’s important that my best friend moved here last year and managed to shake my world up in her own special way.
It’s important because this is my home and was always meant to be. Everchanging reasons aside, this is where I’m supposed to be.
I’ll admit that I hate the idea of business.
I know money must flow, but to feel like I’m out to make money, for myself or for anyone else, is just repulsive to me.
That’s just it… it’s not my lack of ambition that’s kept me at a desk instead of behind a microphone for so long… I’m just afraid of chasing money instead of melody. Seriously. I am.
But when I put things in perspective, money has to come in somehow, and I may as well be doing what I love doing, and contributing in a way I feel is helpful.
So I’ve decided to soldier on this year, get out of my comfort zone, and just jump in this year.
And the thing is… there are perks.
Like getting to see your name on adorable little business cards.
Um, yes please.
I had the day off from The Day Job today. Thank you Martin Luther King, Jr.
I called my grandma. I made a meal that took more than 20 minutes to prepare (hellooooo, eggplant parmesan, those two and a half hours were totally worth you). I wrote a song. And I made my little music corner a little more inspiring.
In the last house I lived, I had two rooms to myself. That meant I had a bedroom and a room for music and other creative endeavors. I could go in there and mentally shut out the rest of the world. It was my sanctuary.
In this house, I live with good friends who always have stories to tell, a lot of shared space, and just a little to myself. It’s not a bad thing, but it’s been an adjustment.
I thought my bedroom was just the way I wanted it, but earlier this week I realized it needed a little something more… not for the sake of the space but for the sake of creating a space in my head where I can go to just be.
I think I’m one step closer now.
Do you have a sanctuary?
Tell me about it.
Saturday, after a lovely day spent with my boyfriend and his cousin Jason and his wife Chelsea, I returned to Grant’s passenger seat and pulled out my iPhone to check twitter and facebook.
That’s where I first heard the news.
We got back to Grant’s place and I immediately turned his computer on. My mom had emailed me the first article from our hometown Herald. I went back to facebook. I turned to Google. I found whatever I could find, which was not much.
All I know is that my 7th grade math teacher, a woman well-known, well-loved in our small community, just disappeared Saturday morning.
Just disappeared.
The community has pulled together, of course. Over a thousand people have volunteered to search. The police department is looking. The National Guard is looking. Border patrol is looking. Surrounding counties have sent help in the form of extra officers and dog teams. Civilian owned planes are in the air. Some people are amazed. I expected nothing less.
And that’s why I hold out hope, though even in the nearly three day search, all they have yet to find is a single running shoe. Because from what might as well be a million miles away, it’s all I can do. Hope.
And pray. Will you pray too?
2012 is the Year.
I don’t know if you feel it, but I do, and it’s running deep. This is the year. This is my year. All the wonderful things I’ve ever wanted – they’re on the horizon.
I have totally committed to what I want – finally. And I don’t regret the waiting I did, the excuses I made, the other things in my life that I let take priority. I needed those things, and the excuses only sounded like excuses from the outside – to me, they were really valid, well intended reasons.
But now I know. It’s time. I have joined NSAI, something I’ve wanted to do since college. I’m going back to singing and playing in public – often. I ordered business cards – my name with “Singer/Songwrter” scrawled underneath. I have an amazing support system which keeps getting stronger and stronger.
It’s time. If I don’t start chasing this now, it won’t happen… and I KNOW I have what it takes. Why waste something so many other people only dream of having? I’m going to embrace it, work for it, and deserve it in the end.
2012. This is my year.
I hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas!
I took a bunch of pictures of the way we decorated the house, the lights out at Opryland, my family, my boyfriend… I had plans of sharing them here. But now, I think, maybe it’s best to just keep it simple, and say all the cleaning and baking and anticipation was worth it. I had the most wonderful holiday… relaxing, love filled. I hope yours was just as wonderful.
Ohmygoodness.
So I went to Minnesota for Thanksgiving. I came back to Nashville for 24 hours, and then I flew to Palo Alto for the rest of the week for work. I went to a Christmas party my first night back. And ever since then, it’s been Christmas decorations and baking and general cleaning up of the house because my whole family is coming HERE for Christmas this year.
I’m mildly freaking out. Totally excited, don’t get me wrong… but whoa.
So that’s why I’ve been scarce. Life is crazy. Work is insane. I’ve lost a little bit of control, but I know solace waits for me in January. I’ll just enjoy this season while I can.
What do you do to prepare your house for Christmas?
Forget the back burner. My musical ambitions are in the freezer.
The reasons are compound and varied, but the fact of the matter is that I haven’t done anything productive for myself as a musician since July, and even that was just sitting down to write a song.
My BFFL (Best Friend From Life) moved in with us a month or so ago. She moved from our hometown with her camera and a dream, much like I did three years ago with my piano and notebook. But a month in, and I feel like she’s already doing bigger things for herself than I ever have.
I didn’t want to ruin what I loved with business, because business is something I have always despised. I also didn’t want to find myself using people for what they could offer me in terms of business rather than in terms of friendship, scared of being anything but genuine, myself. So I never really dove in.
But it turns out I’ve ruined what I loved anyway. I’ve wrapped myself up in a job I don’t particularly care for in a house that keeps me anything but secluded and able to concentrate, with other hobbies and interests and obligations that take up too much of my time.
I was at a used media store the other day… books, video games, movies…
I found two books full of country music from the 90s and I picked them up. I asked as I walked away with them, “Is this just a waste of money?”
No, because I’ve been playing my piano almost nightly for the first time since probably June.
Little things and baby steps. Let’s take this dream out of the freezer and move it to the back burner, at very least. Yes?
