On Sunday an event invitation made its way to me on Facebook.
On Monday, for some reason I can’t even articulate, I decided to go back and read some of the archives at Courtney903.wordpress.com. They’re still there.
I like me then, even though I could be a little abrasive at times.
I have been hearing this sentiment a lot lately, but I miss the old blogging days. Many people have commented on the way the communities have changed, and I have noticed that too. Some people have commented that the internet is so much more public now, and I really hear that. I mean, it was always public, but it’s harder to go unnoticed these days, with grandmothers and their Facebook accounts. But what I miss most was just my own openness; the time I had to myself to think and strive to be thoughtful and encouraging (I failed sometimes, but who doesn’t fail sometimes?). I think something changed in me when I went self-hosted. Even though I never really hid my identity on the other iterations of my blog, this space made me feel especially exposed. Honestly, it still does, sometimes.
I really want to blog like the old days. I really want to look at the world and see the good and come back and tell you all about it. I want that desperately.
And I tell myself, someday.
But Monday, I had my past self. I had my archives. I had that good attitude and helping spirit shining forward to me from years ago, and I think if I hadn’t gone back to read my old blog on my lunch break, I would have missed the best opportunity I have had in a long while.
Did you read that link to my blog up there? Let me give you another chance. When I wrote this particular post, I was still living in Murfreesboro, working retail, finding solace from a job I hated in the wonderful people I got to work with. A few months earlier, I had a little coffee shop show and almost everyone I worked with showed up (along with a few other friends, to boot). I felt loved and supported and like maybe, after nearly a year in Tennessee, I might finally belong here. So when a friend and coworker told me about her senior art show, I made it a point to go, because I knew how great that felt. And seeing the smile on her face when I showed up – priceless. I don’t think about it much, but reading this post took me back. I still see it clearly.
A few people commented on the post – I was still getting comments in those days, ha! – and the overall sentiment was yeah! awesome! keep doing stuff like that! The first comment was Eric’s.
On Sunday an event invitation made its way to me on Facebook, from Eric. He was going to be here, promoting his new book (seriously, how cool is that?). Grant was out of town, it was short notice to invite anyone else (I did try, but you know, short notice), so I was on the fence about attending. But on Monday, I read that post, and I knew it wasn’t an option anymore.
I walked into the tiny little book store (one minute early and the first one there. no one told me book readings don’t start on time) and cautiously stepped into the back room. He was the only one there. And he looked up. And I said hello. And that friend at her senior art show? His face did the same thing.
I mean, I guess the point of all of this is – wow, our blogging community, all of these years later. These connections may very well last a lifetime. Thank you guys from the bottom of my heart for being my friend.
And also – go out and support your fellow humans. The high is so much better than any high you’ll find by trying to help yourself.