I was eating dinner with a friend earlier this week. The subject of the evening was, as usual, men.
MEN.
UGH.
The biggest lament, though, was all the social standards that we feel like we need to adhere to. For example, why is it that when a girl and a guy break up and the guy is the one who thinks it’s a big mistake, he has all of these tools available to him to help him change her mind? Who ever heard of a dude who found it totally romantic to get flowers at his desk every day at work?
Let’s just say I know that wouldn’t work in my current situation.
But listen. I will never explain my situation satisfactorily to anyone, and it became apparent to me one day when he asked, “Do your friends and family think I’m an asshole?” and I had to wonder… do they?, that maybe it’s unfair to try to explain it. I’m the one who knows myself, knows this situation, and knows him. Yes, it has hurt like hell, and yes, I’ve definitely needed a shoulder or five to cry on over the past weeks…
But I still love him and I still think the world of him. There is no black or white here.
And if there is no black or white… if nobody but the two of us are ever really going to understand (not that I don’t have some friends who have been AWESOME and totally In The Same Boat… that’s not it, but still… it was our relationship, not anybody else’s) then why should I have to follow these imaginary rules made up for… who? And by who?
Who says I can’t do whatever is in my power to do to make this complicated, foggy situation work out the way I want it to?
I know. I’ve been through this enough to know that it nearly never works that way. I know that moving on might just be the easiest thing for all of us. But I have this FAITH that there’s still more of this story to tell.
It’s going to be a fantastic love story. I’m going to fight for it. Gather all the faith I can find. Do anything I can to make him believe in us. I know that not every story has a happy ending but…
I don’t think this one has ended at all. Not quite yet.
So I’ve got a plan.
And I’m gonna break the rules to carry it through.
i like it! thinking outside the box, breaking society’s rules and taking charge!! it is really unfair that we, as girls, have so very few tools in our toolbox to fix relationships. if we call too much, we’re clingy. he doesn’t like flowers but how many engraved leather wallets can we realistically get him? there are so many ways for men to fix their screw-ups or prove their love and there are so few (i actually can’t think of any) for women to do the same. it’s as though the power of starting and fixing and ending a relationship fall solely into the hands of the man. the woman’s job seems to be the day to day maintenance.
and how lame is that?
so i say GO! break the rules and do what you need to do. hey, you might even learn something about yourself along the way.
There’s always something to be gained, even if it isn’t an ending that fits into the “happliy ever after” category. Best of luck with whatever you’ve got planned.
Was working on a response to this – decided I’m going to email you instead.
We might have an epic email chain on our hands.