The Patience

I remember the kind of patience I had when I moved here three years ago.  Everything I’d always wanted was right in front of me.  I had it.  What was there to be patient about?  I was here.

Well… there was plenty to be patient about, that’s for sure.  Finding a job.  Finding a better job.  Making enough money to pursue the dream and reason I came to Nashville in the first place.  Finding someone to fall in love with.

But at that point it was all so far away.  I had just gotten something I’d dreamed about for years. YEARS.  A lifetime.  Everything else could wait, because I had to figure out what it was I really wanted next.

Well… three years and many ups and downs and two jobs and two loves later, I’ve figured out what I want and need.  And let me tell you, this kind of patience is much, much harder to deal with.

Knowing what you want and knowing that someday you’ll probably have it, or most of it, or even some of it, or just knowing you’ll have the chance to chase what you want, is one special kind of lucky.  I understand that and I relish it.  But not knowing how long you’ll have to wait for it because most of the circumstances are completely out of your hands, along with being sort of unfulfilled and not challenged and feeling sort of dead-ended with other parts of your life…

That’s the hardest thing in the world to understand… not logically, of course, but at your very core.

There’s more I could say but won’t because of the public forum.  I guess the point is that I know there are life changing wonderful things in my future, and those things mean I can leave behind other things I don’t necessarily care for.  The problem isn’t waiting for what I want… because I know when I get it it will be worth every second I waited… but getting through the things I don’t want anymore and maybe never did,  with no set expiration date.

I used to pray for a life without expiration dates… but there are a few I wish I had right now.