I took the day off from my Normal People Job yesterday, grabbed my piano and my ukulele, sang some Taylor Swift in the car, and showed up ready to go.

It frustrates me how long it’s taken this project to get completed, I’ll be honest.  But we had a guitar player in yesterday, and hearing this guy tracking my songs… oh, man.  It will be worth the wait when it’s all done.

Truly.

I know money must flow, but to feel like I’m out to make money, for myself or for anyone else, is just repulsive to me.

That’s just it… it’s not my lack of ambition that’s kept me at a desk instead of behind a microphone for so long… I’m just afraid of chasing money instead of melody.  Seriously.  I am.

But when I put things in perspective, money has to come in somehow, and I may as well be doing what I love doing, and contributing in a way I feel is helpful.

So I’ve decided to soldier on this year, get out of my comfort zone, and just jump in this year.

And the thing is… there are perks.

Like getting to see your name on adorable little business cards.

Um, yes please.

I called my grandma.  I made a meal that took more than 20 minutes to prepare (hellooooo, eggplant parmesan, those two and a half hours were totally worth you).  I wrote a song.  And I made my little music corner a little more inspiring.

In the last house I lived, I had two rooms to myself.  That meant I had a bedroom and a room for music and other creative endeavors.  I could go in there and mentally shut out the rest of the world.  It was my sanctuary.

In this house, I live with good friends who always have stories to tell, a lot of shared space, and just a little to myself.  It’s not a bad thing, but it’s been an adjustment.

I thought my bedroom was just the way I wanted it, but earlier this week I realized it needed a little something more… not for the sake of the space but for the sake of creating a space in my head where I can go to just be.

I think I’m one step closer now.

Do you have a sanctuary?

Tell me about it.

Stacey Randol

Sarah Jarosz oh my dear soul.

I don’t know if you feel it, but I do, and it’s running deep.  This is the year.  This is my year.  All the wonderful things I’ve ever wanted – they’re on the horizon.

I have totally committed to what I want – finally.  And I don’t regret the waiting I did, the excuses I made, the other things in my life that I let take priority.  I needed those things, and the excuses only sounded like excuses from the outside – to me, they were really valid, well intended reasons.

But now I know.  It’s time.  I have joined NSAI, something I’ve wanted to do since college.  I’m going back to singing and playing in public – often.  I ordered business cards – my name with “Singer/Songwrter” scrawled underneath.  I have an amazing support system which keeps getting stronger and stronger.

It’s time.  If I don’t start chasing this now, it won’t happen… and I KNOW I have what it takes.  Why waste something so many other people only dream of having?  I’m going to embrace it, work for it, and deserve it in the end.

2012.  This is my year.

(i stole the photo from melanie’s facebook page – thanks darlin!)

The reasons are compound and varied, but the fact of the matter is that I haven’t done anything productive for myself as a musician since July, and even that was just sitting down to write a song.

My BFFL (Best Friend From Life) moved in with us a month or so ago.  She moved from our hometown with her camera and a dream, much like I did three years ago with my piano and notebook.  But a month in, and I feel like she’s already doing bigger things for herself than I ever have.

I didn’t want to ruin what I loved with business, because business is something I have always despised.  I also didn’t want to find myself using people for what they could offer me in terms of business rather than in terms of friendship, scared of being anything but genuine, myself.  So I never really dove in.

But it turns out I’ve ruined what I loved anyway.  I’ve wrapped myself up in a job I don’t particularly care for in a house that keeps me anything but secluded and able to concentrate, with other hobbies and interests and obligations that take up too much of my time.

I was at a used media store the other day… books, video games, movies…

I found two books full of country music from the 90s and I picked them up.  I asked as I walked away with them, “Is this just a waste of money?”

No, because I’ve been playing my piano almost nightly for the first time since probably June.

Little things and baby steps.  Let’s take this dream out of the freezer and move it to the back burner, at very least. Yes?

The music.

I’ve hardly even opened my mouth lately.  I don’t have a commute on which to exercise my lungs.  I have other things to do when I’m at the house.  It’s sad.  I miss it.

So… I decided to let my roommate leave the house without me last night, and this is what I did.

I’m a little rusty but that’s nothing a little practice won’t fix.

I’ve been friends with Preston since sophomore year of college, which I’m slowly realizing is actually quite some time ago.  We were both going to school in North Dakota and were in and out of some of the same buildings and classes.  I always knew he was someone to admire but kind of thought him as Out Of My League, even on the most basic level.

One day, though, he overheard me talking to our jazz band director about an audition I was hoping to do down here in Nashville, and our friendship was like instant super glue from that point forward.

He’s a fiddle player.  A damn fine fiddle player.  He works his ass off and had been working his ass off since, let’s be honest, before he even started preschool.

He moved down here before I did, but honestly, I may not have made it if not for him.  He was the one calling every other week asking what my plans were, excited for me to experience all the things he was experiencing.  I finished school up North, he came down here to finish school, and in the mean time he started recording and playing in bands and all around being awesome.

He called me yesterday afternoon to tell me that he was finally making an appearance in town for the first time in months, and I was welcome to come see him play if I wanted.  With Carrie Hassler.  At the Station Inn.

(yeah, he’s in those videos.)

I don’t go to the Station Inn much anymore which is a shame because, oh boy, the music there is never a disappointment.  It was especially special last night, though, knowing one of my best friends was up there, and realizing how far he’s truly come.

My dreams have been put on hold for some time, maybe even completely reconsidered.  I don’t know that seeing him up there reinspired anything in me, necessarily…

But it did remind me that no matter what I decide I want… anything is possible.

Yes, I live in Nashville.  Yes, if I bothered to watch Twitter closely enough, I could catch Dierks at the Station Inn more than often.   And I can’t say I’ve purposely been holding out to go home to see Dierks rather than tracking him down here in the neck of the woods we both occupy, but I’m more than happy it turned out that way.

I actually had visions of a post-show hangout dancing in my head (like visions of sugarplums, but not in December)… one where I could say, “Dierks, I live in Nashville, and here I am in Sidney, MT, seeing you play.  I came all the way from Nashville to see you.”

And then he’d say, “Man that’s awesome.  Why are you here?  Why are you there?”

And then I would very excitedly and succinctly tell him that this was my home, this place, right in front of this stage, I grew up here, I was inspired here, I became the person I am today right in front of this stage… and I went to Nashville to BE the person I became.

A songwriter.

And then he’d say, “I don’t usually do this… but here’s my number.” or “… email address.” Or heck, “a good way to contact my publisher.”

I’d have told him how his first album was an eye opening experience to the kind of country music I was sure was worth making.  How his way with words… how simple they were and still said so much… is a way I’ve strived for ever since the first time I heard “I wish it would break.”  How he started my obsession with train songs.  And the Del McCoury Band.  And bluegrass in general.

How that first CD was the first big turn out of my hometown  (literally – one of my first trips out of town on my own in my own little car, just to buy this CD), and yet here I was, 8 years and 6 – almost 7 – albums later, back where it really began for me.

At that one concert we ever had, all year.  The last night of the county fair.

I’ve been to some amazing shows.  I’ve been to the Ryman to see the Grand Ole Opry as well as a band or two along the way.  I’ve seen Garth Brooks in an arena, I’ve seen Nickel Creek in a beautiful old auditorium in Minneapolis.  I’ve been to incredible venues.

Nothing will ever be as good as that stage set up in the middle of that rodeo arena on the last night of the county fair in Sidney, MT.

Thanks for an amazing show, Dierks.  You brought it home in a way I never could have imagined.

And while I’m at it, a special shout out to Jason Jones, who warmed that crowd right on up for Dierks the same night.  I had no idea who he was until he sang that one single he has out on radio right now… his first one… but even before he busted out Ferris Wheel – I knew he was adorable and rockin’ and worth my time.

I’ll be tracking both of you down in town.
And if you ever need a little red headed co-writer… I’m here.